| Chuck Norris |
twisted by C. Faber Demarius
Saturday, January 21, 2006 |
Hey all,
Midterms are finally over for all of TS (except Alison), so we can get back to amusing you. Lucky you.
Anyway, as you might know, Chuck Norris jokes are the thing of the moment right now. So I made some up. Yes, I really made these up, so please don't email me and say "OMG DID U FOR REALZ MAKE THOSE UP LOL KBYE," because I'll just say yes. Seriously. You can google them and everything. Well, probably. I didn't actually check to make sure nobody made these up already, but to my knowledge... well, you get the idea.
Onto the jokes:
Chuck Norris does not make friends. He makes pain.
Chuck Norris invented Christmas and Jenga.
Chuck Norris is the genetic father of every baby born in 1989.
Chuck Norris did not hit puberty, he roundhouse kicked it in the face.
Archimedes did not discover pi. Instead, Chuck Norris stared at a circle until it told him a number.
Jesus didn't die by crucifiction; he actually got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. The writers of the Gospels decided to change this detail before publishing the Bible. They died of roundhouse-kick-to-the-face related injuries shortly thereafter.
In a battle between Godzilla and Spiderman, who do you think would win? You'd think Godzilla would win, right? You'd be wrong. Chuck Norris would win.
Midterms are finally over for all of TS (except Alison), so we can get back to amusing you. Lucky you.
Anyway, as you might know, Chuck Norris jokes are the thing of the moment right now. So I made some up. Yes, I really made these up, so please don't email me and say "OMG DID U FOR REALZ MAKE THOSE UP LOL KBYE," because I'll just say yes. Seriously. You can google them and everything. Well, probably. I didn't actually check to make sure nobody made these up already, but to my knowledge... well, you get the idea.
Onto the jokes:
Chuck Norris does not make friends. He makes pain.
Chuck Norris invented Christmas and Jenga.
Chuck Norris is the genetic father of every baby born in 1989.
Chuck Norris did not hit puberty, he roundhouse kicked it in the face.
Archimedes did not discover pi. Instead, Chuck Norris stared at a circle until it told him a number.
Jesus didn't die by crucifiction; he actually got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. The writers of the Gospels decided to change this detail before publishing the Bible. They died of roundhouse-kick-to-the-face related injuries shortly thereafter.
In a battle between Godzilla and Spiderman, who do you think would win? You'd think Godzilla would win, right? You'd be wrong. Chuck Norris would win.
18 Comments:
Those are online...i dont believe that you made them up.
I believe I did. Google 'em, and if you can find a place that has these jokes without citing me, I'll be beat: someone made these up instead of me.
However, that would surprise me. I was there when I made them up, after all.
Cite your sources.
In the Beginning there was darkness, but then Chuck Norris got bored and roundhouse kicked the universe into starting.
i've definitely seen the "the dark is afraid of chuck norris" one before.
it's very common.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was Charles...Chuck did not answer but just stared at him until he exploded.
"i've definitely seen the "the dark is afraid of chuck norris" one before."
Cite your source and I'll remove it. At least, cite a source that came up with it before I did.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
You didn't use the words "round-house kick" in that one, Sarah. Shame.
http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=the+dark+is+afraid+of+chuch+norris&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Cool, got it and updated.
I thank the community in general for fact checking me, and encourage everyone to do the same in the future. This included cases of reported plagery. Because you just never know. Skepticism is crucial.
Chuck Norris once had his penis bronzed. We now know it as "The Statue of Liberty."
And, for whoever wanted a roundhouse kick one:
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
I went to cinnabon today to get a warm roll, and who did I see at the cashier? The server. But Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his ass and stole his apron.
And then he ate my cinnabon.
Chuck Norris has learned how to punch people over the internet.
Chuck Norris likes to drink blood. On the rocks.
Chuck Norris punched his womb so much it actually got bigger.
Chuck Norris once won a bronze medal. He ate it, so they gave him gold.
Chuck Norris punches babies WITHOUT a car alarm's assistant.
Chuck Norris ate a live duck once.
Well, I didn't make it up. I never claimed to either...
Chuck Norris has a womb?
His fetus, I should have said.
am gon rape chu in da ass.
How lovely. Please see above for correct internet etiquette. Please don't type "chu" ever again unless you are talking about "chu"ros and there was a huge emergency so you couldn't finsih.
please.
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